Bartholomew's Bottomless Bucket of Boogers
Bartholomew's Bottomless Bucket of Boogers — an illustrated stories story. 10 illustrated pages, free to read on Wonder Books.
Page 1
"Bartholomew, not again!" squealed Penelope, dodging a glistening glob. Bartholomew, perched atop the wobbly haystack, giggled uncontrollably. "But Penny, it's a bottomless bucket!" he exclaimed, hoisting the pail overflowing with shimmering, emerald green boogers. A rogue blob landed squarely on Percy the pig, who grunted in bewildered disgust, shaking his head, and splattering a nearby goose, who honked loudly.
Page 2
"Where did you even GET that thing?" Penelope asked, wiping a smudge from her cheek. Bartholomew hopped off the haystack, bucket still sloshing precariously. "Old Man Fitzwilliam's attic!" he announced. "He said it was his Great-Great-Grandpappy's snot-collecting pail for when he was feeling ill!" The bucket was ordinary, tarnished metal except for a tiny rune etched near the handle - a spiral that appeared to infinitely grow inward.
Page 3
"Snot-collecting pail? That's disgusting!" Penelope exclaimed, wrinkling her nose. "But... bottomless?" Bartholomew nodded eagerly. "Fitzwilliam said it's never been emptied. He warned me that it's not for keeping, just for looking! But I'm bored! We need an adventure!" Penelope paused, considering. "Well, as the great Aristotle said, 'The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.' If we're going to be stuck on this farm all day, we might as well contemplate some bottomless boogers!"
Page 4
"Alright, adventure it is!" Penelope declared. "But where do we even BEGIN with a bucket of never-ending boogers?" Bartholomew grinned, hefting the pail. "The Whispering Woods, of course! Legend says it's where all lost things go! Maybe it can swallow up all these..." He shuddered. As they approached the woods, a swarm of giggling sprites zoomed around their heads. "Eeeeeeewwwww! Snot!" they shrieked, dodging the bucket.
Page 5
The Whispering Woods lived up to its name, the trees' leaves rustling with eerie whispers. "I don't like this..." Penelope muttered, clutching Bartholomew's sleeve. Suddenly, the path disappeared, swallowed by a thick, gelatinous blob. It was...boogers? But...blue? Bartholomew poked it cautiously with a stick. "Woah! It's... sparkly! Apparently, the trees use blue boogers as nutrients!
Page 6
"Nutrients?" Penelope squeaked. "Then why are the trees DYING? Look!" Ahead, the forest was choked with brown, withered trees. Their leaves were brittle and crumbling. A sad-looking gnome popped his head from behind a gnarled root. "The Great Snuffler has stolen the forest's magic!" he wailed, tears streaming down his face. "He's hoarding all the good snot, and now our forest is doomed!"
Page 7
"The Great Snuffler?" Bartholomew asked. "Who's that?" The gnome sniffled. "A terrible beast who lives in the Snotty Swamps! He steals boogers to fuel his own power! But beware, he is made entirely of boogers!" Penelope stepped forward. "We have a bottomless bucket of boogers!" she declared. "Maybe we can stop him!" Bartholomew nodded. "Team Snotsquad, assemble!"
Page 8
The Snotty Swamps were even worse than they imagined - bubbling pools of green goo and sickly sweet stench. Suddenly, a towering figure made of swirling boogers emerged. It was the Great Snuffler! "You dare enter my domain?" he boomed, his voice a wet, squelching sound. Bartholomew stepped forward, holding the bucket high. "We have an unlimited supply of boogers!" he announced. "Now's our time to use our knowledge of ancient wisdom!" As Bartholomew approaches the giant Snot Monster, Penelope recalls to mind the symbol that adorned the bottomless bucket, and what ancient wisdom meant to the past owners of the bucket and recites, "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing," recalling the powerful words from the great Socrates.
Page 9
Remembering what Fitzwilliam told him, Bartholomew hurled the bucket's contents directly into the Great Snuffler's gaping maw. The boogers from the bottomless bucket were not ordinary boogers, but instead of snot, they were memories from all the previous owners! Overwhelmed by these feelings, the Great Snuffler shrank, until he was nothing more than a puddle of green goo. The forest's magic returned, the trees sprouting green leaves.
Page 10
"We did it!" Penelope cheered. Bartholomew grinned, wiping his brow. "Turns out, even boogers can save the day!" The gnome popped out from behind a newly green tree. "Thank you, brave adventurers! You saved our home!" Bartholomew looked at Penelope, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I guess sometimes, you just have to embrace the snot!"
About this story
- Audience: kids (ages 6–12)